The missing ingredient
Photo by Marissa Deck on Unsplash
I want to talk about something that isn't really training, but that has a big impact on our dogs behavioral wellness. What is this magic sauce, you ask?
Advocating for your dog.
You've no doubt heard of “lead so your dog doesn't have to.” That sentiment is from a debunked school of thought- dogs are not trying to 'take over' a leadership role from you, they're simply dealing with a situation the only way they know how to. But that doesn’t mean we should let them. We can and should step in, not to “show the dog who is boss” but simply to save them from situations they are poorly equipped for.
Dogs do not exist to be toys for children, or to be a play pal for other dogs. A dog doesn't cease to exist when the owner stops to chat with a friend they met on the street.
Photo by Michelle Tresemer on Unsplash
If your dog is okay with being handled, it is okay to pick them up to help them out, like if they are scared of another dog. People will say “they have to learn”, which isn’t wrong– but you learn to swim in the shallow end with your parents ready to help you, not by being thrown in the middle of the ocean and left to fend for yourself. Which of those do you suppose would result in a person who is confident in the water, not scared of it? Providing a safe retreat for your dog/s will help them come back to you if they’re in trouble. (Photo by Avi Richards on Unsplash)
Imagine you're talking to a friend, and their phone rings. Without so much as an "excuse me," they disengage from your conversation and take the phone call. Rude much?? Imagine that you can juggle, and that whenever you meet friends, you keep being asked to "do the thing!" so everyone can be entertained. People thrust objects at you to juggle with, everyone laughs, but then they are done with you. Imagine a friend were to hold you down while strangers touch your hair. Imagine feeling scared about something and asking for help, and your friend dismisses it and tells you that you're faking!
Would you want to keep interacting with this person? Heck no! You see where I'm going with this.
So what does advocating for your dog look like? It's obviously not to simply wrap them in cotton wool and prevent them from having appropriate interactions with the world. Here's what advocating for your dog really looks like:
• Everyone wants to fuss over your new dog. You have your friends wait to visit till your dog is settled in. When they do visit, you instruct your friends to sit and let the dog sniff them, you don’t let your friends overwhelm your dog or whip them up into a frenzy.
• You're working with your trainer, who interrupts your session to give you feedback. But before you disengage from your dog to listen to the trainer, you pay your dog for their efforts so far and give them a pause signal. It is not your dogs fault that your attention is suddenly elsewhere.
• Your trainer instructs you to do something which you feel your dog would be uncomfortable with. You speak up because you know your dog’s history best.
• You're in the park, you're watching your dog and not your phone. You notice another dog owner egging their own dog on to play with yours, but your dog is tired. You tell the other human that your dog can't play right now. Your dog is not there to provide exercise to other dogs.
• You’re in the park, and your dog is a little too much for another dog there. Your dog may just want to play, but the other dog is uncomfortable with the over-eager play invitations. You call your dog back to you and redirect them.
• You’re in the park, and your dog is timid, even though the other dog is being friendly. Instead of telling your dog “oh come on, go play”, you listen to your dog’s discomfort and move away from that dog or ask the owner to recall their dog.
• You're in a restaurant. You either left your dog at home, or you picked a quiet restaurant and brought a mat for your dog. You ask for a seat in the corner and position your dog’s bed so that they can lie well away from foot traffic.
Children and dogs should always be supervised, dogs should never ever feel trapped. (Photo by sabina fratila on Unsplash)
• Your children are not allowed to play dress up with your dog. Your dog has a safe space where the kids are not allowed to follow.
• You meet a friend with their new puppy. Your own dog is reluctant, and instead of forcing the two to interact, you ask your friend to keep their pup close to let your dog have the distance they need. You take breaks from talking to your friend to reward your dog for being good, despite having to be near the “annoying” puppy.
• Someone with a dog is approaching your dog on the sidewalk. Their dog is pulling towards yours, and the owner is letting them pull closer. You tell the owner "my dog has fleas!" and walk a big arc around them if needed.
• Someone on the street tries to pet your dog. You don’t let them.
• You refrain from hugging your dog because you can tell from even subtle body language that they’re not into that right now.
• At feeding time, you set up enough space between your dog’s feeding bowls so they don’t get into conflict with each other.
• Your dog loves greeting guests! Some visitors enjoy this but they hype him into a frenzy, while other people end up kneeing your dog in the chest or turning away. You work on training a quiet stationing behaviour and a greeting with all four feet on the floor. Then you instruct your visitors on how to greet your dog calmly. Now your dog gets to enjoy greeting dog-loving guests without going crazy, and he leaves non-dog-people in peace.
Some might say that dogs just need to sort things out among themselves and learn to cope with uncomfortable things. That's not true- or rather, not all the time. The same way we'd intervene if our child was being bullied on the playground, we should do the same for our dogs. The same applies if your dog is causing distress to another dog. If you ran around hugging strangers on the street, you'd eventually get punched in the face. If your dog runs up to every other dog on the street, sooner or later one of those dogs is going to take exception with that intrusion. It's up to you to prevent your dog from engaging in inappropriate behaviours that could get them into trouble or cause distress to others.
The old, debunked leadership paradigm would have you scold and punish your dog. Thankfully, we now know better.
In short, advocating for your dog often means speaking up to your fellow humans. So the secret ingredient is people :). It means noticing your dog's needs. It means preventing your dog from getting themselves into situations they can't handle, or equipping them so they know what to do and know they can come to you for help.
It does not mean coddling the dog, wrapping them in cotton and never allowing them to face any challenges whatsoever.
This is not an appropriate way to let dogs greet (Photo by Filip Mishevski on Unsplash)
On leash sidewalk meetings are a huge offender, because we often don’t realize that we’re failing to advocate for our dogs.
Been there, done that!
Each dog straining on the leash, making their bodies appear stiff. Approaching each other in a straight line, because that’s the situation a sidewalk sets up. It may even start out as joyful and anticipatory, but can quickly turn to frustration and anxiety, even barking, lunging, snapping and biting.
What’s worse is that dogs know they can’t leave. They know flight isn’t an option, and sometimes all that remains is fight.
Feral dogs (village dogs who live around human settlements but have no owners) would avoid meeting like this. If they didn’t like each other, they’d likely avoid each other. Nobody is forcing them to walk in a straight line towards each other. Us humans set up this unnatural situation, so we should be the ones to manage it.
Advocate for your dog/s. It makes a world of difference.